The Burden Seems Lighter Than It Should

After Monday nights dramatic event where Ashtyn became unresponsive and was transported to the ER, the following day was spent sleeping and having procedures. She had a CT scan to check for bleeding in her brain, EEG to check electrical activity of her brain, MRI to check for infection, EKG to check her heart, and blood lab work to check electrolytes among other things. Every test came back normal so we likely will get out of the hospital without knowing what happened. The day also included two platelet transfusions and was wheeled to the hospital dentist to get her braces off decreasing the risk for infection. If you could watch a live video of Ashtyn and me going about the day, I think you'd be bored. With a CT scan, she simply lays on the table as it moves her under the scan and back out. She then gets off the table and is wheeled back to her room. An EEG was done in her bed as she slept through her head being wrapped with wires and 30 minutes of monitoring. While laying in an MRI machine, which sounds like 40 minutes of a loud construction zone with on and off jackhammering, Ashtyn simply watched Finding Nemo as if laying down in a one-man tube movie theatre. Some may think we've been fighting this fight so long, nothing phases us anymore. There is some truth to that combined with a trust in Christ that has allowed Him to "ease the burdens which are put upon our shoulders, that even we cannot feel them upon our backs." Thank you for your prayers of strength and health. We are being watched over. (At the end of each post during the next month, I will add Ashtyn's Leukemia & Lymphoma Society donation site and ask that you please donate whatever small amount you can because we all know by small things, great things happen. Cancer research is lifesaving so let's save some lives! http://events.lls.org/ut/saltlakesoy2018/aPoulsen )

There Are Angels Among Us

28 hours after leaving the hospital, Ashtyn and I felt settled in our Ronald McDonald room. Everything was unpacked and organized, the room was decorated and cozy, and we felt rested after taking it easy all day. We were honestly excited to have a couple boring, lazy weeks at the RMH. At 8:30 p.m. we FaceTimed Ethan and told him plane tickets had been purchased for him and Morgan to visit us on Friday. We said goodnight to him, ate dinner at 9:30 p.m. and were ready at 10:30 p.m. to film a one minute introduction video for her Student Body President election that is coming up in three days. As she prepared the song for the video I went to the restroom for 30 seconds and came back to find her laying on her back in the bed completely unconscious. I shook her a little, calling her name, and found that she was unresponsive with droll on the side of her mouth; a scenario I had never experienced before. I asked for angels to come help while I rushed to the phone and called 911. As the paramedics were on their way, I stayed with Ashtyn as she slowly came to. She looked completely dazed when I asked her, "Do you know who I am." She had no clue. Several minutes later she began to cry, "I want to go home!" "Where's home?" I asked. "Salt Lake." To double check her alertness I asked, "What's your dogs name?" "Marlie" she replied. When the paramedics arrived she had no idea why they were even there. As I explained that she probably had a seizure she panicked, "I don't want to die!" By that point I felt calm and looked her in the eyes. "Ashtyn, look at me. I'm not nervous. You're going to be ok." She was placed on a gurney bed, wheeled to the ambulance, and taken to the ER at Seattle Children's Hospital. Lab work, CT of her head, and an EKG were done. Nothing came back concerning. At 3:30 a.m. she was admitted to a hospital room on the cancer floor for observation and further testing. It is now 4:00 a.m. We will try to get a few hours of sleep before her room fills with day staff. Sometime today we may have some answers as to why she had a seizure or we may never know. This is where we roll with the punches having faith in God's plan and in the prayers being said for her.

She's An Angel

It's been almost one week since Ashtyn and I have been in Seattle. Time always goes by fast but it seems like we've been here forever. The last four days in the hospital have had the usual constant interactions with one healthcare provider or another. For the most part, Ashtyn feels overall fluish with nausea, body aches, and extreme fatigue. Each day she seems more and more run down. Her body is clearly being rocked because she sleeps probably 20 hours a day. She has received two blood transfusions, two platelet transfusions, quite a few medications, and a couple procedures. Everything is going as planned without major bumps in the road so we get to leave the hospital today. It's an empty feeling packing up knowing we aren't going home. One of the most difficult realities of fighting cancer is missing out on all the things we would otherwise be doing. Ashtyn is really missing out not being around for school, the Student Body President election, staying connected with people, family gatherings, hanging out with friends, sleeping in her room with her dog, and being in her home with her siblings. Morgan (15) and Ethan (11) are missing out not having their mom to send them off to school and be there when they get home. They miss out not having Ashtyn there doing things with them that she normally would do. There is no way to replace those missed opportunities but the kindness of individuals in Seattle, the goodness of those in Salt Lake, and the many others who are supporting us has made all the difference. You may wonder what it's like to be with Ashtyn 24/7. You won't be surprised to hear that it's like being with the sweetest, most tender, calm, peaceful, agreeable angel.  She is constantly tired and feels bad that she sleeps all day. Ashtyn doesn't want me to be lonely and even though I reassure her that I'm not, she can't help but be concerned. When watching TV she always makes sure that what's on is something I want to watch too. Even though it clearly doesn't matter to me what we watch, she can't help but to be thoughtful. She's an angel and I feel it a complete privilege to be at her side as she fights this cancer battle.