From Janet

The color photo was last night and the black and white photo was taken in Vegas last February, not quite six months ago, only days after Ash found out cancer was back again. I remember that night in Vegas clearly (because we ran out of gas on the Strip, right outside of New York New York and that was fun.) I also remember spending the evening talking about Ashtyn's third cancer diagnosis and what that meant for her future. Fighting away from home, in another city was certain, but I don't think either of them realized how hard this would be. Suzanne said to me this week that looking back at their first two battles with cancer at Primary Children's in Salt Lake City, she didn't realize how "easy" they had it. Being in your own city, going home in between appointments makes a huge difference. Seattle is beautiful but they are pretty isolated. We've been in close contact - texting and calling and sending video messages several times a week. I thought I knew what they were experiencing... but the reality hit me pretty hard the moment I arrived. There is no way to paint a picture of what they go through on the daily. I don't want to point out the harsh reality of Ashtyn's situation because she is truly handling it with grace and beauty, but besides the major life-threatening issues she's dealing with, she's also constantly holding a barf bag, worried about controlling her bowels, always in pain, and wondering if her hair will grow in curly or straight. These are pretty big issues for an independent teenage girl. And Suzanne not only has the weight of keeping her daughter alive, she's also there for every.single.bathroom break, having to care for her 17 year old like she was a newborn, waking her up to eat, bathing and cleaning her when Ashtyn is too weak, and using more packages of baby wipes than i do with my toddler. Ashtyn kept apologizing for not being able to walk on her own (and cried for being too sedated which caused bladder issues) but honestly they are SLAYING it and remaining positive despite the constant exhaustion and daily battles that come with this ugly disease. I could not be more in awe of how beautiful and optimistic they are. My admiration for them skyrocketed while seeing them in action. If they can do this, I can get through my trials too.

February 16th, 2018

August 7th, 2018