We just finished up BMT Day 34 and 41 straight days in the hospital. Every morning Ashtyn’s blood is analyzed to count white blood cells, among other values. Two days a week her blood is taken to a lab to detect adenovirus levels. White blood cells are still not seen in her labs and Adenovirus isn’t under control yet. Other than that, her health is relatively stable and the last few days have been reasonably calm. All in all, Ashtyn feels exhausted pretty much 24 hours a day. She never gets more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time, feels overall crummy, has an achy back and shoulders, and pins and needles neuropathy in her feet. However she is pushing through like an unbelievable champ. Nurses stay busy giving her IV nutrition, antibiotics, anti fungal and antiviral drugs, plus a whole lot of other medications and lab draws. Her heart is well, kidneys are doing better, and sleep apnea is improving. It is agreed by those in the hospital that she looks way better than one would expect from her history, labs, and reading her paperwork. I think it’s miraculous. My brother Jared and sister in law Nanette flew to Seattle from Salt Lake City and hung out at the hospital with us Friday and Saturday. Family and friends bring rejuvenating energy.
You know how some cartoons show a character that has a little white angel on one shoulder and a little red devil on the other, each giving conflicting thoughts? I kind-of felt like that the last couple of days. Little White Angel: It’s been more mellow lately compared to all the other days this past month. I feel peace and calm. Little Red Devil: Keep your guard up and buckle up because something bad is going to happen. There’s always a severe storm after the calm. Little White Angel: I’m not stressed and worried about engraftment. We’ll see white blood cells when we see them. Little Red Devil: Any normal mom would be nervous. You are numb and apathetic. Little White Angel: She will engraft. I don’t know when, but it will happen at the right time. Little Red Devil: Her body won’t engraft for weeks so be ready for hell when everyone at Seattle Children’s Hospital doubt and start sweating bullets thinking she’ll need a 4th transplant and wondering what her wishes are. Little White Angel: Have faith in God’s plan. Little Red Devil: Why God are you being so cruel? Where are you? You don’t ever listen to me. You promised! You promised this wouldn’t be too hard. You promised we would be amazed. White Angel: The calm and peace you feel is real. He’s right here. Ashtyn is doing amazing and every promise so far has been given. Don’t doubt now. Little Red Devil: Take this cup from me. I can’t handle it. Little White Angel: If the bitter cup is too difficult to drink, Christ will strengthen you to be able to drink it, just like He always has.
On Sunday I had time to contemplate and sort out my conflicting emotions. One of my favorite songs is called “Blessings” by Laura Story. The words came to my mind, “We pray for wisdom, your voice to hear. We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near. We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love, as if every promise from Your word is not enough. All the while you hear each desperate plea and long that we’d have faith to believe. Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near? What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?” I’m happy to say that Little Red Devil was flicked off my shoulder and is no longer around. Monday Ashtyn is going to have a bone marrow aspirate and biopsy that will be helpful in finding out what is going on in the marrow. I’ll let you know results when they come back. Please pray 1. the bone marrow aspirate and biopsy will be promising. 2. antiviral medications will kill the adenovirus. 3. engraftment will occur.
