BMT Day 16

Tonight is a night I cry for Ashtyn. I watch her suffer followed by relief followed by suffering followed by resolve only to then suffer again followed by peace and calm. I often wonder how much more my heart can handle. I often wonder how much more she can handle. But somehow, some way we kick ass again and get through another day. I’m so proud of her. I ask her everyday, “Do you know how strong you are? Do you know you’re almost there? Do you know there are thousands of people on the sideline cheering you on to the finish line? Do you know?” She says “Yes” but she really has no idea how remarkable she is. She has no idea how many people love her and how many lives she has impacted for good. I believe one day she’ll know but for now she is a humble, faithful follower of Christ who is doing all that is asked of her with perfect hope that all her suffering will be compensated 1000 fold with blessings in the future. But, our positive and eternal perspective doesn’t change the fact that this experience is heartbreaking, painful, stressful, nerve wracking and pure hell sometimes. It’s as if we are in a boat in the middle of the ocean. Raging dark storms stretch us to our limits followed by calm waters and sunshine. The calm doesn’t last long before another horrendous storm hits that pushes us again to the edge before calm winds come again. The things is, the storms are getting us to where we’re meant to be and where we want to go which is a healthy, cancer free joyous life for Ashtyn. There’s no way we could do this alone, without support from family, friends, and strangers. Prayers, love, and encouragement gives us the strength to stand back up each time we’re knocked down with our fists up in the air ready to fight the next blow to the head. Please pray 1. Engraftment will come ASAP providing necessary white blood cells. 2. Painful skin breakdown will improve instead of getting worse. 3. Pain will go away. 4. Infections will stay away.