Life Is 100% Attitude 0% Situation

BMT Day 29: Ashtyn’s health continues to be pretty good despite the fact there are no signs of white blood cells. For that I am very grateful. Prayers are being answered even though engraftment has yet to happen. Engraftment is always weighing on my mind and heart. Throughout the day I contemplated and pondered how to best emotionally and spiritually face the unknown timing of one of the most important milestones of Ashtyn’s life. Do I buckle up and expect to be pushed to the edge where her doctors conclude in a couple weeks that the BMT failed only to surprise everyone with an unusually late engraftment? Do I stay hopeful every single day expecting to see white blood cells tomorrow and repeat? Do I become apathetic and figure engraftment won’t happen for a long time? How do I surrender my will and timing but still fight like hell? These are some of the thoughts that went through my head. The conclusion I came to had very little to do with my questions but rather going back to what I know... life is 100% attitude 0% situation. Life can change in an instant, for good or bad, by simply our thoughts. Ashtyn is very much affected by my attitude so I better get my positive thoughts in line. I want a fighting vibe and energy in her room instead of defeat. We refuse to sit down, wait for engraftment, and let life happen to us. We are going to be grateful for the health she has, enjoy everyday for what it is, act and think like she’s engrafted, and focus on our goal of going home in November.